10.27.2005

i am afraid that everyone i love will stop loving me.
i am afraid that no one will pay attention to me.
i am afraid that there really is a monster in my closet.
i am afraid that i'll never be good enough.
i am afraid that i will be a disappointment.
i am afraid that i will be alone.
i am afraid that i'll never get married.
i am afraid of becoming terminally ill.
i am afraid that i will never be content.
i am afraid that no one will ever love me as much as i love them.
i am afraid of the strength of my emotions.
i am afraid of alcohol.
i am afraid of getting drunk.
i am afraid of becoming an alcoholic despite the two above mentioned facts.
i am afraid that i will never have a real best friend.
i am afraid.

i am sick of people underestimating me.
i am sick of hearing about political views.
i am sick of being treated like a child.
i am sick of college.
i am sick of being ignored.
i am sick of being nice.
i am sick of drama.
i am sick of sports.
i am sick of hearing about people going to parties and getting "trashed" and how "rad" it was.
i am sick of bullshit.
i am sick of people being idiots.
i am sick.

6.05.2005

i want to be free

free from this

free from me

free from what i want

God, i want what You want

i want me if you want me

i want this if you want this

i want Your freedom, Lord.

Only Your freedom can set me free.