be still

i am

know

i do

listen

i don't

act

i fail

can't seem

to figure out

just how

to go about

doing what

i need 

to do

a lot 

is on

my list

but it

seems to

me that

i won't

do it

not one

one thing

at all

will be

accomplished, finished

an incomplete

life, wasted

left wanting

full, but

not full

over

it's over

beginning

just beginning

fuck

fuck fuck

fuck fuck fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck

i'm scared

but excited.

starbucks?

one hundred dollars

what a congratulations

from my own parents

for my graduation

thousands of dollars

all in loans

and i get one hundred dollars

from the people who didn't support

i shouldn't expect

i should know

another hurt

another reason

for me to try 

for me to stop

caring

sleepy

restless

tired

alert

motivated

apathetic

horny

unfulfilled

moving

staying

silent

growling

ending

just the beginning

options

opened

heart

afraid

wandering

circling

wondering

waiting

something new

opportunities abound

worth it

necessary

freedom

caged

graduation

adulthood

still

will it ever stop

will it ever go away

can my heart just quit

and be free

i don't love

i don't care

i can't forget

i want to

i want my heart to quit

the beating, the streaming, and the needing

i want my mind to wander elsewhere

about someone else

i don't want to know

i don't want to hear

i don't give a fuck

and yet somehow

i still do

and i still will

i still

i still...

two weeks

so far

so close

come tomorrow

a change

a break

freedom

it looms

future

my plans

desires

my hopes

work out

or not

try hard

again

i must

succeed

not fear

but trust