i look up the heavens, to the blue hued sky. i speak to God and i tell him: i want him. i point to the man i want, matt. i want him and no other. i want him forever. 
God asks me one question, but does he want you? 
Good one God. i don't know. he won't tell me.

fuck; this won't go away
fuck; i can't stop thinking about him
fuck; i don't want to because i love him
fuck; he doesn't love me back

shit; this feels like shit
shit; he doesn't love me
shit; yet again i let it happen
shit; i still have to see him

damn; you don't understand
damn; shut up
damn; i want to run away
damn; i can't, i can't leave, because if i leave i'll never get to see him again and i really really really want to. 

fuck; i don't care anymore what you think