5 red x's

scarlett in descent

riding veins

crying times

reminding me of what

permanent

restless

a prayer sent out

peace cast down

entrance to my soul

trance set out from within

knowledge of things once desperately bleak

self lacks and self falls

but You

no more of me

only You

 can't take this anymore

this feeling has to cease

i want to strangle something

even if it's myself

there's no explanation

for the way i feel

but there has to be a way

to make my heart just stop

Whatever You want from me

I surrender to You

I’ll surrender it all

If I’ll grow closer to You

 

Your will is my desire

I’ll never let You go

Nothing matters so much

As my immense love for You

 

My faults are opportunities

To grow in Your grace

Help me to concentrate

On blessed things of You

 

I want nothing more

I want nothing so much

I want nothing so intensely,

So necessary as You- My Lord, My King, My One Necessity.

my eyes want to cry

and my mouth to scream

but i will suppress

i will hold back

you will not see

the emotions that are me

you think you know

you think you've seen

they run deeper

they run faster

they run harder

the tears will come

and the screams too

only i'll know

only i'll know

emotionless

impatient

without vision

without desire

define me

today

forever?

afraid

i care too much

you notice

can i change?

can i stop?

i'm afraid

afraid to lose

am i me?

do you know?

plummeting

something tossed

something caught

i'm the first

not the latter

you couldn't catch me

even if you wanted

you wouldn't catch me

even if you tried

so let me fall

i'll get back up

eventually

it may take a while

but it will happen

i wish i knew the words to speak

to express my heart's one wish

but i can't

you just won't get

no one can

no one will

only You

You know

You've known

You care

so this i ask

hold me, comfort me, use me, change me

i love You