this
makes
me
smile

i don't know where i'm going
but i know where i've been
and i don't want to go back there
not for anything

forward
towards You
onward
with You by my side

Your guidance
Your will
i trust You
despite myself.

just because just because

how i love. how i love.

happiness
damn near destroys

but not me.
yet?

i can't seem to think
clearly or whatever
see?

the words i want to
write and the words
i do write
are not
the same

i
i
i
i

i am selfish
i want what i want
i do

where are you
in this mess
that i call
existence

have i deserted you
have i left you
i talk to you
i don't read about you

i talk about you
i talk around you
can i talk through you?
do you talk through me?
at all? any more? yet?

love me Jesus.
remind me that you're the most important thing
and that i'm important to you

am i really that lost without you?
am i really desperate for you?

what is my deal?
i should be. i should be so desperate for you.
and yet.
and yet.