Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, my Jesus

How I love you. Even when I don’t show, don’t know, or don’t say. You are my wind, my rock, my fortress- in You I find strength and am made strong. You alone solidify me, gratify me, purify me, and sanctify me. In addition to my daily bread, please be my coffee. Be the thing that sustains me and energizes me. You alone should be glorified and honored in my life. I ask for selfishness to be drained, my pride to be strained, and my heart to be pained- for You and the things that pain You. May my love be strong, true, pure, and selfless. May I love people like you do- even if they’re dirty, messy, frail, weak, proud, crazy, and ugly. You love them, and therefore so should I. Let me embrace them as you have embraced me, let me erase my judgment and teach me to give grace. Let me not stray from You or your commands, allow me to stay in your presence, and let my heart no longer decay.

Yahweh

My love and father

My husband and best friend

On you I depend

On you I rely

Only on You

For you are constant

Dependable and trustworthy

Nothing compares to you

You keep promises

Not just make them

You establish plans

And see each one through

Your love is evident

In all things

I just have to look

I have to remember

How much of what You say is true?

You say You never lie

And yet I do not believe your words

I find it hard not to doubt

You are the perfect, the love, the truth

The one that I should follow

Yet even with a gentle leash

I tend to rebel, squirm, and run

Knowing all these things

And even so much more

Should make it easy to believe

And easier yet to obey

Such is not the case with me

With my broken, fallen heart

I cannot trust you blindly

Without a single doubt

Even in my broken state

Missing and tattered, I can still come

You’ll welcome me with open arms

And bid me to still follow

I will not cry a million times

Over something I have lost

But loving and then losing you

Made me realize the true cost

I cannot focus on the good

Or even on the bad

I cannot even think of you

And whatever it is that we had

All my words, thoughts, and feelings

I think I’ve gotten out

And I do not love you anymore

This I do not doubt

You left a mark, a horrid stain

On my broken heart

I’m still finding all the pieces

Since left with just this small part

she's home
she is a bit changed

i was home
not changed

the same friction
the same fights
the same tears
and the same annoyance

will it ever be different?
will we ever understand each other?

alone alone.

no escape

reality sets in

the money

or lack of

the time

and the energy

none