i'm not at the end of my rope

another game
another day

waiting. i'm not even looking.
that's over.

You're not. You're it.

You're everything. be my sustainer

ps 54:4

"surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me"- NIV
"behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul"- NASB

sustain: to lean, lay, rest, support, put, uphold, lean upon, brace, refresh, or revive.

Yahweh sustains me. He sustains my soul. I can lean on Him. I can brace myself against Him. He will revive and refresh me. He is my support and my upholder.

timing. what timing.

as if it couldn't get worse.

it then does.

and the first place i turn is to myself.

i need You. Your help.

change me
fix me
for Your glory

this always happens
i lead and fail

i take responsibility for it all.

my heart cannot be the leader.

i don't want to wrestle with this
i don't want to be the same

i want it just to be normal
i want it to be organic

can't you just

but this is my expectation. yet again