4.28.2009

again

again i think
again i remember
it never fades
it never stops

i speak of you
and i can't forgive
i think of you
and i remember

it wasn't all bad
there were good times
you seemed to care
you listened well

you knew me better than i wanted
i thought i knew you too
but what i didn't know
would be what made "us" impossible

again i regret
again i reminisce 
the calls the day after
the kisses the night before

everytime i would cry
everytime i would cut
everytime i would wimper
and every other time i didn't

i would bottle it in
refuse to show
i'd keep to myself 
and ignore it all

i'd write it all down
and store it away
never tell you my heart
for fear you'd care less

if that was possible

this

i fell for you
hard
unlike anything before

i loved you
entirely
holding nothing back

i told you
once
that i loved you

i needed you
just
to say it back

but you didn't love me

but you didn't want me

but you didn't care for me

so then why the fuck would you kiss me?

why the hell would you call me?

because you were selfish
because you knew how i felt
because you could get what you wanted
because you didn't care

and because of this

i cannot love
i cannot let go
i cannot forget
i cannot stop

i may not love you
i may not want you
but i remember
and still feel

unvalued and worthless

4.27.2009

amor

you have written love all over me
on my heart and on my arms

your love is all over me
surrounding every part of me

your love embraces
your love shapes my every action

your love doesn't fail
it doesn't change

it never deserts
your love never quits

i need your love
i need more of this love

so i have written love upon my arm
to remind me that you did it first

4.16.2009

Habakkuk

Art thou not from everlasting
the beginning until the end
beyond my comprehension
of all time and space

Art thou not from everlasting
forever present
forever knowing
before and after it all

Art thou not from everlasting
love that endures
saves, amazes, changes
me and all others

Art thou not from everlasting
a holy and just God
righteous and worthy
from everlasting thou art

4.07.2009

Hosea 2

Idolator no more
quit the idolatry

Refuse adultery
unfaithfulness no longer

Ran away, found a wall
too many obstacles

My husband was better
I want to return to him

He allures me, woos me
reminds me of his provision

He remarries me
allows me to know him

I mean really know him
in the most intimate of ways

His compassion still flows
his love never ends

I am his and he is mine
Idolatry no more